Freaked out, Insecure , Neurotic & Emotional !..
Neurosis
refers to a variety of psychological problems involving persistent experiences
of negative affect including anxiety, sadness or depression, anger,
irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral
symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts,
lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts,
repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and
cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency,
aggressiveness, perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally
inappropriate behaviors, etc.
Generally, neurosis means poor ability to adapt to ones
environment, an inability to change one’s life patterns, and the inability to
develop a richer, more complex, more satisfying personality.
The first point to note is that
there are predisposing physiological conditions, for the most part
hereditary. Most obvious is the temperament trait (or traits) referred to
as neuroticism or emotional instability. Other traits may also
contribute, such as extremely high or low conscientiousness. It may be
that any inherited trait, when present in the extreme, makes the person more
liable to develop neurotic problems.
The second point is that one’s
culture, upbringing, education, and learning in general may prepare one to deal
with the stresses of life, or not. These factors may also serve to
override any predisposing physiological conditions, or to exacerbate them.
The third point concerns the
triggering stressors in people’s lives which lead to the various emotional,
behavioral, and cognitive symptoms of neurosis. These stressors can be
understood as consisting of situations of uncertainly and confusion, usually
involving interpersonal relationships, that overwhelm the person’s capacities,
learned and/or inherited, to cope with those situations.
Basically, we deal with the
world by using our previously acquired knowledge of the world, in coordination
with our inherited capacities, to solve the problems presented to us as
efficiently as possible. When we are up to the task, our emotional
responses are kept to within tolerable limits. When we are not up to the
task, we experience anxiety. This anxiety may develop into other
emotional responses as well, depending on the details of the problem, our
inherited traits, and our learned patterns of response to problematic
situations.
When we experience repeated
occasions of stress and anxiety, we begin to develop patterns of behavior and
cognition designed to avoid or otherwise mitigate the problem, such as
vigilance, escape behaviors, and defensive thinking. These may develop
into an array of attitudes which themselves produce anxiety, anger, sadness,
etc.
The family is often the focus
in discussing the origins of neurosis. First, any genetic predispositions
towards neurosis may be inherited. Secondly, the family may have provided
little in the way of preparation for a child to deal with the stresses of
life. And thirdly, the family may itself be a source of the stress and
confusion which the child may be unable to cope with. It may often be the
case that a parent is him- or herself troubled by neuroses, and thereby
provides the genetics, the poor parenting skills, and the stresses that lead
children to develop neuroses.
A child is still in the process
of learning the skills required to survive and thrive in the social world, and
is thereby more susceptible to stress. He or she needs both parental
guidance and a degree of security. The child needs to know that the
parent will be there for him or her. This reliability is communicated by
means of the love a parent expresses to the child. If the child fails to
perceive that love (even if it does actually exist), he or she will be left
with considerable and very general anxiety, as well as feelings of incompetence
and unlovableness.
On the other hand, we should
not jump to conclusions in this regard: Not all neurotics raise neurotic
children, and not all neurotics were themselves raised by neurotic
parents. There are many stressful events which can overwhelm even fairly
emotionally stable and well educated children, adolescents, and even
adults. Among these, we can mention the death of parents, their divorce
and remarriage, foster homes, institutionalization, ill health of the child or
the parents, war time experiences, immigration, poverty and homelessness, assault,
sexual abuse, bigotry, and so on.
Many people develop neuroses
during adolescence. The sometimes dramatic physical and emotional changes
can by themselves overwhelm some adolescents. Even more likely, these
changes, combined with the need to demonstrate social competence and to gain
peer approval, can lead to great stress and overwhelm the adolescent’s
emotional capacities. Teenagers rejected by their peers, due to weight
problems, physical appearance, weakness, retardation and learning problems, social
shyness or awkwardness, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, national origin,
etc., are especially vulnerable. Many, if they have the resources and
especially if they have support from family and friends, recover in early
adulthood. Others do not.
Just like the child, the
adolescent is still in a stage of development, and has the added burden of
requiring the social skills involved in sexual competition. These are
usually learned by imitating other adolescents, especially those that are
admired for their skills and successes. The learning is then supported by
gaining validation from other adolescents in the form of acceptance and
approval. Without that approval, the adolescent feels no confidence in
his or her social skills and again lives with the anxiety of never quite
knowing how to act. The adolescent is left with feelings of isolation and
self-loathing.
Many of these issues continue
to apply in young adulthood and even later. Young adults typically feel
the need for a partner in life, for a network of friends, for a sense of
competence as evidenced by success in college or in the workplace, and so
on. Later, the desires for children, for financial security, and for
social respect add to the stress. And later still, coming to terms with
the prospect of ill health, the death of friends and family, and one’s own
mortality provide the older adult with new challenges for their emotional
strength. The better the foundation in childhood and adolescence, however,
the better the chances that the adult will be able to cope.
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